You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
