dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
