I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
