a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
