I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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