Can Purell be used as lube?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
