If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
