her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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