I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
