Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
