she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
