Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Send help, water and tortillas.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
