The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
how drunk are you?
Several
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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