But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
