I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
