Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize