We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
