When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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