he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
