apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
