I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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