I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
