i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
