a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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