when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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