there's paper in my vomit.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
