16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
