hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
