Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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