For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My ATM looks so different sober.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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