I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
i think i just lost a toe
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
