Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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