don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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