Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
