it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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