she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
