I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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