So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
