i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
