i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
