oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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