He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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