I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
