Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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