Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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