1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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