I'm laying in your front yard are you home
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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