last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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