How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
