I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
