I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
