I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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