I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
