i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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