I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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