You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I fill condoms, not promises.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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