i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize