evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Randomize
