sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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