OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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