ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
