I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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