Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize