I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
