There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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