Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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