Don't make out with my wife yet
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
My ATM looks so different sober.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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