He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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