Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
