I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
