he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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