I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
