They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
