seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
