did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
