his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
