What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
