i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize